Burning Churches in Norway Revisited (Or the Alleged Addiction Resurrected)

So on Thursday, I get a text from my friend John.  In retaining his spelling and punctuation, this is what he said:  "Hmm.  Am looking deep (thanks again vodka) what do u feel ur entire role was n alleged addiction...  F u wood humor me @ sum point................."

So thank you vodka.  You have inspired my next blog!  (Let's hope they have a good sense of humor and don't take us to the court!)

In retaining my own spelling and punctuation, this is what I responded:

"My entire role in the AA...  Began with the primary role of “the bassist.”  I was that quirky eccentric guy who was competent enough to play the supporting music (usually as dictated by others) but versatile enough to play the keyboards or rhythm guitar when the need arose or even to help co-write the occasional song.  Despite that competence and versatility, I always felt that my only claim to fame would be to ride on the shirt-tails of the greatness of others.  (i.e. John & Tony Porter.)  I also brought musical influence into the band, mostly in the form of bands we should take influence from.  (i.e. Cranes.)  Though I also brough in my own idea of how we should sound (by the end I had a clear idea of what I wanted) which would be “simplicity, heaviness, darkness, & beauty.”  Which is why I became appalled with the complexity and fruitiness that Tony began to move in the direction of after taking over the head of the band.  I also brought a varied personality to the band, a unique strangeness that varied the nature of the band and its humor...
    ...perhaps making the band’s humor slightly more accessible to the general public.  For most of the 7 yearsI was in the band, I was a motivator, as I really had a passion for making the band work.  It was my greatest dream in life.  Last, but hopefully least, I was the match that started the fire that finally destroyed the band.  Amber Starr was the kindling, and you and Tony were the fuel.  The band was already headed for destruction, but the final chaos in the end terminated the band completely."

I failed to mention that also for the first couple of years while I was in the military, I was also funding the band - sending $200 per month back to Tony, who would save up the money and then buy something cool like a huge mixing board and a bass half-stack.  (Which I still have in my room to this day.)
I went on to add a few more afterthoughts to the mix, all of the three fit nicely together:
      "I still think you and me should resurrect the AA without Tony, though I don’t believe will ever achieve the greatness we once had the potential to achieve.  
      I think we could still become big enough to publish records, I just don’t see us ever getting rich and famous now.  We’ve missed our chance for that, I think.  
      Honestly, you and I could produce music together, just like FOG!!! and the Cheerleaders of Satan, if one of us could just learn to program in the drums.  And my daughter owns a nice Casio keyboard with which we could do so.  Maybe Jennifer could learn how, and she could become the drum programmer - a promotion from tambourinist!" 

(I actually don't think 'tambourinist' is a word, but I like it!  And that's sort of a little joke of mine, since the other day I told Jennifer that she should be part of our band, and when she told me she couldn't play anything, I told her she could be my tambourinist.)

So drunken me (I got drunk later) and drunken John went on and on about family members joining in the mix...

FYI, "FOG!!! and the Cheerleaders of Satan" is a bit of an inside joke for John and I.  It's our nickname for a band called Mayhem that used to supposedly "burn churches in Norway."  (Which became the name of our biggest published record to date - "Burning Churches in Norway.")

Oh, and Tony, if you're reading this, no offense to you.  You're a great musician.  I just think that your musical style became a little bit too complex and fruity for the Alleged Addiction.  Great for video games!

A Tribute to Brandi

Life has changed a lot in the past couple of months. Life was hard for me last year, and it culminated in the death of my dearest lady, Ms. Brandi Costa. Of course I went through an extreme period of grieving, which included spending nearly 2 weeks at my friend Angela's house, and a couple of other dear friends. (Olivia and Coral, I love you too.) I managed to get through the private viewing with the family (which I felt honored to be allowed to), the memorial, the wake, etc. I got lots of sympathy from friends and acquaintances, even people who I didn't know who were friends of Brandi's.

With time though, I began to learn that my life was really changing. First of all, I'm much more aware now of our own mortality, and the fact that we never know when our time may come. Unaware of what really happens when we leave our bodies behind, I've decided to make every attempt in my own little way to make this a heaven on Earth, since we may never attain any sort of discernible Heaven after we lose the bodies we currently possess. In this Heaven here, I enjoy my family, my friends, sex and intimacy, good food, and alcohol as much as reasonably possible whilst sharing my joy and happiness with those whom I love so that the little Heaven on Earth is spread to others and returned back to me.

I'm still the same Nathaniel, I'm just far more positive, confident, and joyous than I've ever been. I know that Brandi would be very proud of me. Sometimes I slip backward into the deep black water of regret and pain. To never see Brandi again strikes grief deeply inside of me. But here I am, and it would be heresy to waste my life in misery. I need to take the lessons that Brandi taught me and use them to better my life and the lives of others who are deserving of my love. And even when I am sobbing for my loss, I still feel great joy in my heart that she blessed my life with her presence, that she touched so many lives in such a positive way. I feel compelled to carry on her torch and bring light and joy to the Earth like she did.

I think that enough people in the world took the high road and carried on the light of goodness from wonderful people like Brandi, I'm sure it would be enough to counteract the selfishness that pervades, corrupts, and destroys our world today. I think that the purpose of life varies from person to person, but I truly believe that those whose goals in life are to conquer and collect are never truly happy. They are those like Brandi and our dearly departed Agripina who give more than they take who are the happiest. Brandi was no saint; she was addicted to anything she loved, she intentionally offended people with the harshest possible means such as religion and racism, she stole and she fought... But her smile brought joy to all and even those who she despised somehow loved her. She had a way of making you feel that she accepted you for who you were no matter what your flaws were, despite the fact that she obviously judged you. She was a walking contradiction, and by her own admission she never tiptoed through the daisies. She altered so many lives in such a great way...

...I think that Brandi is one of the greatest people I have ever met in my entire life. Hers is a great loss to the entire world, and we will always feel a hole where she once was in our lives.